How often should you have sex? Like what sort of question is that anyway? Should you be measuring or counting the number of times you have sex? The answer is yes! At least others are counting.

But hey! These questions might be really perplexing because, when it comes to the issue of sex and sexuality, a lot of people shy away from this interesting subject. They’ll pretend to be righteous, yet there are numerous skeletons locked in their cupboards.

Researchers writing in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that couples who have sex at least once a week are happier with their relationship than those who get it on less often.


So would you rather close your legs and remain a sadist or open up just a little to be happy? That’s a question for couples in a sexual relationship.

Why should you have sex more often?

I met a Kenyan girl once at a shopping mall in Abuja, we were just chatting about her experience since she came to Nigeria. She openly but politely asked me why Nigerians are so harsh? I didn’t know what to tell her. So I said the only thing that was in my head “maybe they need to have more sexual intercourse, that’ll help them relax”.  

She laughed, even though it seemed I was totally out of point. Frequently having good sex can actually make you more relaxed and improve your memory. [4]


In Nigeria sentiments and stereotypes are attached to everything. Just by telling someone which part of the country you come from, people would start weighing your sexual ability. Nowadays, I am afraid to tell people I am from Calabar, the next thing you would hear would be. ‘’Hmmn Calabar people una to get power for sex o; shey na dey dog meat una dey chop dey give una extra power?’’.

Nigerians we are so hypersensitive about sex and sexuality, just the other day on Facebook, a lady was ranting about how guys these days would invite a girl to his house for the very first time and suddenly would want to have sex with her.


Her choice of vocabulary showed she was pretty upset about the situation. The comments that followed were divided along sexual lines. The guys complained about how materialistic ladies have become, while the ladies protest that they should not be seen as objects of personal aggrandizement or sex toys.

How sentimental can it be?

Ask a Nigerian lady if she’ll love to have sex? Even when she obviously wants to, her response would be ‘’is it food?’’. I don’t know if anyone noticed, some ladies always refused to overtly admit their stance in sex issues.

I personally did not see anything wrong with both point of views, everybody has a point. As Africans our ladies are expected to be conservative, reserved and always hold back their sexual urges and keep from making sexual advances. Although this expectation is gradually being replaced by new trends.

This though hasn’t stopped the guys from being the ones making all the fancy conjugal moves. While the ladies detect the rhythm from behind, someone must be the lead dancer.


Most ladies just want you to figure out what they want when they want it and how they want it without them saying a word. This could be a daunting task for the guys. Any wrong move could sabotage their chances of getting laid.

Even though hurrying into sexual issues with a lady you just met can be a big turn off. We should not forget the sole aim of relationships bring happiness and companionship. For a guy in a relationship, getting the lady to his bed is important. That’s why he’ll fight your enemies for you and buys anything you demand. Yes, he likes being in-charge and taking charge.


Guys are territorial in nature, even lower animals do it. As higher animals, having sex is a way of showing your commitment to a sexual relationship, nothing more than playing tennis or watching football with other people. Ever wonder why some guys sleep off immediately without holding and chatting with you after vigorous sexual exercise? He’s tired! No hard feelings. Just let him be!

Most guys love being intimate with their girlfriends even before marriage. It’s a way to mark his boundaries and assume responsibilities, there’s always that temptation to touch.  And who said having sex on a first date is a bad omen?

Gone are those days when people used to wait until their wedding night to have sex? Jokingly ask an average guy if he’ll want to wait till his wedding night, I bet the answer you’ll get would be. Who that one EPP?

What has changed?

Without this characteristic behavior, procreation would not continue. Sexuality is not studied in a laboratory-like your usual science. By design, a guy was created to flirt.  Besides, it’s really disheartening when a guy missed all the nonverbal cues and failed to recognize when a lady is ready for sexual activities.

Such a guy is usually labeled as naïve, a fool, not serious and sexually inexperienced. That’ll probably be the end of such a relationship regardless of how promising it was for both parties.

Regardless of which sexual divide you belong, sex and sexuality would continue to be relevant as long as there is need for procreation. Sex creates bonding between people; some even attach a spiritual connotation to sex.

Some believe it isn’t just a physical activity, that while you might not be aware, there are serious spiritual implications when you involve yourself with another person sexually.

Consequently, when it comes to sexuality, the facts sometimes seem unreliable. So many people have a habit of forging the numbers. Guys while talking about the size of their manhood would inflate the numbers like the government increases the pump price of petroleum products.

Ask them how many sexual partners they have in a lifetime, there’ll be editing of figures like formulas on excel spreadsheet. If you really want to drop the bomb, just whisper the question ‘’how long do you last in bed?’’. You’ll hear responses like 4 – 6hours? Are you kidding me? I am beginning to wonder how long it took Michael Faraday to invent electricity that has changed mankind forever.

Ladies on the other hand mostly shy away from sexual topics, especially when talking with the opposite sex. For the few outspoken ones, some of their numbers do not add up. Ask them about the total number of sexual partners they have? A lot would not come clean with their magic numbers. Even though this is a tricky subject to broach, it’s something people are desperate to know



Getting busy in-between the sheets can get you in health.  When it comes to how often couples have sex, researchers have actually pinned the accurate impression. It was discovered that an average sexually active adult hits it about 54 times a year [1], invariably once every week.  This study further elucidated the decline in sexual frequency.

The publication stated that American adults had sex about nine times fewer per year in the early 2010s compared to the late 1990s. It definitely means we might not be living up to our sexual potentials.

So why the decline? I could probably blame global warming, but this is beyond temperature spikes. For the sake of today’s post we’ll only focus on how often you should have sex.


Correspondingly, research published in 2015 joined the bridge between the frequencies of sex to happiness. 

Scientists at the Kinsey Institute of Sex, Reproduction, and Gender have recognized the time in our lives when we get the most action and why it’s most important for our health. [2]

According to the research, millennial – people who reached young adulthood around the year 2000 – have the most sex. Even though, the world isn’t blaming them for population explosion yet.

Seemingly, 18 to 29-year-olds ought to make love approximately 112 times a year – roughly twice a week.

Before you cry over missed opportunities, ‘’another study at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that university students who had intercourse once or twice a week had higher levels of antibodies compared to those who had sex less often’’[2]


Are you still wondering why your immunity is low?

By contrast, people who are 30 to 39-year-olds have sex on average 86 times a year – around 1.6 times per week [3]

This is when most people perhaps unsurprising choose to start a family – nothing like mummy I want to poop or a crying baby to kill the mood.

Like people say in this part of the world, a fool at forty is a fool forever. You’ll actually be fooling yourself if, by the frisky 40s, where people aged between 40 and 49 have sex an average of 69 times a year, you’re still searching for Mrs or Mr right? And you’re not a catholic priest or nun.

These Wilkes University scientist, really took time in 2016 to study this sex thing very well, they’ve also revealed that 45 percent of married couples have intercourse several times a month, 34 percent have it two to three times a week and 13 percent have it just a few times per year [2].


  1. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1
  2. https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/2185823/this-is-how-often-you-should-have-sex-according-to-how-old-you-are/
  3. https://www.her.ie/life/this-is-how-often-you-should-have-sex-according-to-your-age-320691
  4. https://www.health.com/sex/sex-tips-20s

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